I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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