Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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