had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
