Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
