So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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