did you get engaged???
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
