Porn is love you can see.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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