Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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