There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
