Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
