his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
