so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
