I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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