the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you win again, gameday.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
