Soap is not a condiment
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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