I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
