My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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