By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
