yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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