I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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