New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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