Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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