I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
