Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
