the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
