Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
