If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
