i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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