haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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