A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
not ubering you a puppy
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
