Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
