And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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