At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
