Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
