Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
