She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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