Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
