I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
