first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
