Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
