i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize