He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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