I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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