Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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