It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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