Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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