Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
