I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
