belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
