K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's blow job season.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
