I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
