FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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