If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
