i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
